life

Why Comparing Yourself to Others is Basically a Disaster, or, Why You Should Be Yourself

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I find that most of my sadness in life comes when I decide that I must compare myself to others. To anyone, really. To my friends and my family, to my role models, to famous musicians and actresses, to people I’ve never met or people I spend tons of time with.

This is an inadequate way of measuring yourself, and the quickest way to be completely dissatisfied with your life, no matter who you are or what you’re doing. Here’s three easy reasons why.

1) Someone is always doing better than you.

Someone always has more money. Someone is always smarter, more clever, funnier. Someone is always a better writer or poet. Someone else always discovered that awesome new band first. Someone is always on top. It is never going to be you.

Does that mean you should give up – stop working so hard, stop learning, stop trying to make your friends laugh, stop discovering new music you like or writing because it makes you happy?

No. And everyone realizes it would be dumb to stop doing things because someone else is better at it – so isn’t it dumb to compare yourself to others and judge yourself that way? If you’re good at what you’re doing (or even if you aren’t, and you just enjoy doing it anyway) then keep doing it for you, and for no one else.

2) They are not you.

They were not raised with the same opportunities and goals as you. You did not live their life and they did not live yours. You will never look like them, act like them, sound like them.

So instead of trying to be like someone else, try to be the best you that you can possibly be. Do it for you. Set goals that make you happy and work to reach them. Enjoy being with yourself, and being who you are.

You are never going to be them. You can be like them… but then there’s just two of them, and one who isn’t as good as the other. So don’t be a second-best someone else, be a best you. It’s lame to be anything else.

3) You were not made to be like anyone else, and it is not right to serve earthly people by trying to conform to their standards.

You are called to a higher standard. You were placed where you are by God, for His purpose and not your own. If someone else’s path makes you feel bad, if it seems more exciting, daring or fun, remember that God has put you on this path that you are currently on to serve His kingdom – nothing is better than that.

If you are dissatisfied with your life, there are two things you can do to fix that:

1 – Find your satisfaction in God, and not in things of this world. The creator of the universe, the One who placed all the stars in the sky and who crafted you by hand, loves you, cares for you, understands you. If that doesn’t brighten your day and give you a fresh perspective, think on it longer. Open the Bible. Read of Jesus’ coming to this earth. Read of His death on the cross with the knowledge that He did it purely out of love for you, out of a desire to spend eternity with you. The most perfect being on earth wants to be with you forever. Think on that, I beg you.

2 – Make changes. Unsatisfied with your health? Take small steps to change it. Want to travel and see wonderful things? Begin tucking away money now to meet your goal.  A dissatisfaction with life comes because we want to be happy now, we want our goals met tomorrow, and we don’t want to work towards them. Set goals. Work hard. Know that it may take some time, but you can serve God every step of the way.

The only person who can change your life is you. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is Christ. If you ask me, that’s how you achieve happiness and satisfaction with your life. Stop looking at other people and wondering why you’re not like them.

It’s because you’re NOT them, and you never will be, and that’s wonderful.

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Five Important Things I’ve Learned in my 23 Years

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Yesterday, I turned 23. I figure in that time, I might have learned a handful of lessons, and these handful of lessons might be worth sharing.

1. Lying never works out.

Simply put, it’s always easier to tell the truth. Sometimes what happens to you after you tell the truth sucks, but I’ve found that suffering the consequences right away and working to move past it is always better than suffering the guilt of lying (even if you never tell the truth and you’re never found out – you’ll always feel bad and you’ll always wished you’d ponied up way earlier).

So just tell the truth. You’ll feel better, and nothing is so bad that you can’t fix it or recover.

2. Music is important.

Not to everyone, but to me. It’s important to me. I wouldn’t want to go a whole day without it. I’ve learned not to deny myself simple pleasures such as listening to music at my desk – not when songs that I enjoy so much come on and I suddenly have an overwhelming feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay, and right now I’m happy’ simply because of a song (see ‘First of the Gang’ to Die by Morrissey first thing every morning).

Don’t deny yourself simple enjoyments such as that. Just don’t.

3. Your parents might be your best friends someday.

Not in a lame way. Not when you’re fifteen. But when you get older, you’re going to realize that you’re a lot like your parents (if you’re blessed to have solid parents that you get along well enough with) and that these parents of yours are worth listening to and spending time with.

Don’t brush them off because they’re your parents. Listen. Take their advice and put it into practice. Spend time with them. You’ll be better for it.

4. You could be your best friend someday.

So treat yourself right. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Enjoy time alone because if you can’t hang out with you – why expect anyone else to?

5. God is real.

God is real, God is alive, God is everywhere. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present. God is amazing, enormous and scary. God is tender, understanding and kind.

God loves you more in the five minutes it takes you to read this than anyone else will in your entire lifetime.

So look into Him. Learn about Him. Love Him back.

It’s the best thing I’ve done in the past 23 years.

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The Search for the Perfect Church

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I’ve been on this search for… ever. Yes, since I’ve had the desire to attend church weekly, I’ve been searching for the perfect one. The best people, the best music, the amazingly uplifting and biblical message every Sunday, the most moving experience… and I’ve been wrong to do so.

I’ve been looking at church bass akwards. I’ve been looking at it from a ‘what can the church do for me?’ perspective instead of a ‘what can I do for the church?’ perspective and worst of all, I’ve looked at the church as a building instead of a group of followers.

This is stopping now. I moved home five months ago and have bounced from church to church, not ever feeling like I’ve found the right one. This is my fault, and not the fault of any church. Sure, some of them just haven’t been good fits, but I think my standards have been earthly and not Godly, and the right church has been there all along.

I grew up Catholic but quickly cast that aside in college when I decided to head the relationship road, shunning the ‘religious’ side, because nowadays, it isn’t cool or biblically ‘right’ to be religious.

That’s wrong, too. I am a religious person. I am a spiritual person. I have a personal relationship with Christ. YOU CAN DO THEM ALL. 

I’ve made no decisions as of yet, but something occurred to me this weekend. Instead of going to a church that I’ve been interested in (a non-denominational, worship-based church) with a good friend, I decided since my brother was home visiting for the weekend that I would go to church with him and my father.

And I decided that I would really listen, and so I did. Lord in heaven, am I glad I did. It’s like God opened up my eyes – like He removed the scales.

I listen to the subdued hymns instead of the loud worship music, and I saw that they have the exact same message – just delivered more traditionally. I listened to the homily and found that it carried the same weight as every lengthy message I’ve ever listened to from any pastor, just delivered in a more matter-of-fact, simple fashion from our priest. The message this week was this: even in the hardest times, there is Christ with you, and when you look to Him, you can get through anything.

That’s no different than a message you’ll hear in any other church. It was pulled biblically from Paul’s letters, just like it would be in any other church.

I was surrounded by a body  of believers and by my family and I felt at home. I felt at home in a way that I haven’t felt in any of these other non-denominational churches.

Maybe a traditional setting is what I’ve been looking for. Maybe I want to rededicate myself to Catholicism. I don’t yet know and I’m going to take the time to figure it out.

I don’t know. All I want to tell you is this: There is no perfect church, no perfect body, nothing. There is only a perfect God.

I’m many things, single is just one of them.

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I’m from Iowa and around here, we young Christians get married, and we do it fast. My best friend got married three years ago when she was nineteen. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice already, before the age of twenty one.

I can’t tell you how many good-looking Christian guys I’ve scoped from far away to find out nope, some lucky lady already snagged him. There are weddings every weekend. Every day, facebook lets me know who is engaged, who is newly married, and who has their first kid.

So yeah, I know that I’m single. The world constantly tells me. My friends are constantly trying to set me up (and hey, I’m not opposed to it, but nine times out of ten, it just isn’t a good prospect), and the world is constantly telling me it’s okay to be single all while looking at me and wondering why I don’t have a man.

Well, I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not ready, maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he’s a doctor helping out underprivileged families in Africa and we won’t meet until he comes back state side. I just don’t know (though I’m pretty sure it’s that last one, to be honest).

But I’m not worried about it. It would be nice to find a husband, but is that my only goal in life?

NO.

Should it be anyone’s only goal in life?

NOPE.

My point here is, don’t treat Christian men and women of any age (especially a tender, young age like 22) like they must be waiting around for ‘the one’. Maybe the one isn’t out there. Maybe God is the only one you’re going to get (He’s the best one, after all). Maybe your life will be entirely fulfilling and wonderful and you’ll never get married. Maybe you’ll adopt five kids on your own and be the most SPECTACULAR parent that’s ever lived and you’ll dedicate those children to Jesus right out the gate and wonder how you could have ever considered waiting for a spouse to raise children with when you’re so capable of loving and caring for them on your own.

Maybe you’ll never have kids or a spouse at all. Paul seemed pretty stoked about it, didn’t he? I can tell you that I look up to Paul more than almost anyone else (aside from Jesus Himself) and Paul even spoke against marriage.

That isn’t the message we’re getting today. Constantly I’m asked about my relationship status, more than anything else. People ask me if I’m dating anyone more than they ask about my job, my family, my friends, my spiritual life… it could so easily lead anyone to believe, therefore, that finding that special someone is the most important thing you can do with your life.

It is not!

God made men and women for each other but above that, He made us to serve and love Him–and that’s what I’m going to do, whether it’s my husband at my side or all my wonderful friends and family.

So please, next time you speak with a single young person, ask them how their day is going, how their education or job is treating them, how their family is, what they’re reading or what TV show they’re hooked on, how their spiritual life is progressing–if they want to talk about their love life (and often, I do!), they’ll bring it up to you. If they want to be set up so badly, they’ll ask if you know anyone.

They’ve got a lot going on and most of it has nothing to do with finding a spouse. ASK THEM ABOUT IT. Ask us about it!

And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell them that singleness is a gift from God. We know, trust me… we know.