christianity

3 Things I Learned in my 23rd Year of Life

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I made a similar post when I turned 23. I’ve turned 24 now and so naturally, I’m an entire year wiser. Wow, what wisdom.

Being honest, I do think I actually grew as a person this year. I was dealt some hard lessons, and while it’s usually better to learn lessons the hard way, maybe a person or two can glance over this and learn my hard lessons second hand. So take notes or something – this could be profound.

1) I felt a new kind of pain that I had never felt this year. My grandmother passed away on August 24th, and it was unimaginably horrible. I’d never had someone close to me die, and it happened suddenly and quickly. In the hospital for a few weeks, right to hospice, and a week later she was gone.

There was not a major event in my life that this woman was not a part of. She taught me so many things – most notably, how to put others before yourself consistently, and how to make perfect scrambled eggs. Losing her was hard, and it still is hard. If I think about it for too long, it’s still painful. Just the other night I realized for the first time that she won’t see me get married. She wanted to be there for things like that so badly, and it kills me that she physically won’t be.

I learned something from this. I learned how important it is to treasure things while they’re happening in front of you; how important it is to live here and now. I learned to lean on your family, and to let your family lean on you. I learned that seeing my brother cry is still, without a doubt, the worst thing on earth, and I learned how smart and strong that brother of mine is.

I learned that God is just and merciful in ways I never knew, and I appreciated the 23 years He gave me with her even more after she was gone.

2) I stepped outside of my comfort zone this year – in a big way. In September, what seemed like seconds after the whirlwind of my grandmother passing, I got on a plane to take a week-long trip to Vietnam with my best friends.

I pushed myself in ways I hadn’t before, physically, mentally and emotionally. It was hot, I was sick, and we were doing some seriously athletic activities that I’m just not designed for, but I did them, and I felt prouder of myself than I ever had.

I learned that if I just try, I can literally do anything I put my mind to. I learned that trying new things is essential to happiness and a real human experience here on earth. I learned that leaning on God in terrifying times gives you the ability to later look back and wonder why you were ever even worried at all.

3) I struggled this year, with a lot of things. Just normal human struggles. Budgeting my money, being content where I am, being impatient with the path my life was going. I gained a new best friend this year, and lost touch with a couple others. There were consistencies, there were highs, and there were lows.

Basically, just like any other year, it had its ups and downs. I’m not always happy, I’m not always bold, and I’m not always courageous. Sometimes I take the easy road, the low road, when I should do what’s best for others. There are a lot of aspects of myself that I need to work on, but that’s not what I want to take away from 23.

I want to go into 24 proud of myself, happy with who I am, and looking forward to the changes that this year has taught me I’m more than capable of making. I want to improve myself, because the better I am, the more help I’ll be to others.

That’s what’s really important to me. 24 needs to be the year where I put myself aside, and pick others up. Whatever it takes. Wherever God leads me this year, I’m going to willingly and unquestioningly follow. I will lean on His understanding and not my own.

That’s all I need to make 24 great.

Why Comparing Yourself to Others is Basically a Disaster, or, Why You Should Be Yourself

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I find that most of my sadness in life comes when I decide that I must compare myself to others. To anyone, really. To my friends and my family, to my role models, to famous musicians and actresses, to people I’ve never met or people I spend tons of time with.

This is an inadequate way of measuring yourself, and the quickest way to be completely dissatisfied with your life, no matter who you are or what you’re doing. Here’s three easy reasons why.

1) Someone is always doing better than you.

Someone always has more money. Someone is always smarter, more clever, funnier. Someone is always a better writer or poet. Someone else always discovered that awesome new band first. Someone is always on top. It is never going to be you.

Does that mean you should give up – stop working so hard, stop learning, stop trying to make your friends laugh, stop discovering new music you like or writing because it makes you happy?

No. And everyone realizes it would be dumb to stop doing things because someone else is better at it – so isn’t it dumb to compare yourself to others and judge yourself that way? If you’re good at what you’re doing (or even if you aren’t, and you just enjoy doing it anyway) then keep doing it for you, and for no one else.

2) They are not you.

They were not raised with the same opportunities and goals as you. You did not live their life and they did not live yours. You will never look like them, act like them, sound like them.

So instead of trying to be like someone else, try to be the best you that you can possibly be. Do it for you. Set goals that make you happy and work to reach them. Enjoy being with yourself, and being who you are.

You are never going to be them. You can be like them… but then there’s just two of them, and one who isn’t as good as the other. So don’t be a second-best someone else, be a best you. It’s lame to be anything else.

3) You were not made to be like anyone else, and it is not right to serve earthly people by trying to conform to their standards.

You are called to a higher standard. You were placed where you are by God, for His purpose and not your own. If someone else’s path makes you feel bad, if it seems more exciting, daring or fun, remember that God has put you on this path that you are currently on to serve His kingdom – nothing is better than that.

If you are dissatisfied with your life, there are two things you can do to fix that:

1 – Find your satisfaction in God, and not in things of this world. The creator of the universe, the One who placed all the stars in the sky and who crafted you by hand, loves you, cares for you, understands you. If that doesn’t brighten your day and give you a fresh perspective, think on it longer. Open the Bible. Read of Jesus’ coming to this earth. Read of His death on the cross with the knowledge that He did it purely out of love for you, out of a desire to spend eternity with you. The most perfect being on earth wants to be with you forever. Think on that, I beg you.

2 – Make changes. Unsatisfied with your health? Take small steps to change it. Want to travel and see wonderful things? Begin tucking away money now to meet your goal.  A dissatisfaction with life comes because we want to be happy now, we want our goals met tomorrow, and we don’t want to work towards them. Set goals. Work hard. Know that it may take some time, but you can serve God every step of the way.

The only person who can change your life is you. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is Christ. If you ask me, that’s how you achieve happiness and satisfaction with your life. Stop looking at other people and wondering why you’re not like them.

It’s because you’re NOT them, and you never will be, and that’s wonderful.

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Spirit, Lead me.

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Father, I spend so much of my time reading your Word and learning about You in church, trying to grow closer to you, but how often do I tell You how absolutely wonderful You are?

Telling You I love You simply isn’t enough. Calling you Brilliant Maker, Beautiful Creator, Faithful Father – that isn’t ENOUGH. How do I relay my complete and total devotion to You? How do I prove my love in words, because words are what I know best?

Words aren’t enough, but they’re what I have. I want to turn my life over to You. I want to follow you to the ends of the earth and I want to invite You in here, where I am. I desire such a nearness with You, like I cannot dream to achieve with anyone else. I’m desperately searching for a powerful, healing, pardoning love like only You can provide me.

That’s enough about me. Father, I am merely a human, and not blessed with the capacity to aptly describe You as You are. The smartest woman on earth could not really capture it in words. You are a feeling that starts in my heart, a pounding, warm feeling that spreads to my fingertips and toes and whispers, “I am Yours, You are mine,” and I feel a complete secureness in our relationship that I will never feel with anyone else.

Father, you are so wonderful and merciful. Seeing your sinful creation, You wrapped yourself in skin and came to suffer in a way that I will never know, to die shamelessly upon a cross, and to rise again from death in all your beauty and glory. Father, all the power is Yours. All the knowledge is Yours. Everything that is – it is Yours. Nothing belongs to me, but You. You are mine, Father, and I give myself entirely to You as Your faithful servant and Your beloved child.

You will never turn from me. You will never break a promise. You will never let me down. No matter what the circumstances or the situation, You will never cease to love me with a love that is far beyond the capabilities of any earthly being.

Father, You have given your very LIFE for me and I will give mine back to You – take it, Father. Remove my fear and my worries, my concerns that hold me back. Put me in spots where I must overcome what terrifies me most, so that I might bring glory to Your kingdom and shout Your name and proclaim the good news to those who have not even heard Your name.

“Jesus Christ,” I will shout to them, “has come to earth for you. The creator of the universe has suffered as you suffered, and knows all of your troubles. The controller of the universe cares for you and loves you with an unimaginable, unfathomable love, and you are redeemed in Him!” and You will be given the glory for it, my Father.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.

Let me walk upon the waters,

wherever You would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,

and my faith would be made stronger

in the presence of my Savior.

Thank You, Father, for the millions of things we do not think to thank You for. Thank you for my sight and for my feelings, thank You for warmth on cold nights and love when I am feeling lonely. Thank you for these feet, that You may use them and send me out. Thank You for the display of Your power and might. You are so wonderful, Father, and I am so lacking without You.

Above all, thank You for loving me enough to die for me, enough to follow me through all the trials and successes of my life, and enough to never let me down or step away.

I love you, Father. You are my everything.

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Five Important Things I’ve Learned in my 23 Years

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Yesterday, I turned 23. I figure in that time, I might have learned a handful of lessons, and these handful of lessons might be worth sharing.

1. Lying never works out.

Simply put, it’s always easier to tell the truth. Sometimes what happens to you after you tell the truth sucks, but I’ve found that suffering the consequences right away and working to move past it is always better than suffering the guilt of lying (even if you never tell the truth and you’re never found out – you’ll always feel bad and you’ll always wished you’d ponied up way earlier).

So just tell the truth. You’ll feel better, and nothing is so bad that you can’t fix it or recover.

2. Music is important.

Not to everyone, but to me. It’s important to me. I wouldn’t want to go a whole day without it. I’ve learned not to deny myself simple pleasures such as listening to music at my desk – not when songs that I enjoy so much come on and I suddenly have an overwhelming feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay, and right now I’m happy’ simply because of a song (see ‘First of the Gang’ to Die by Morrissey first thing every morning).

Don’t deny yourself simple enjoyments such as that. Just don’t.

3. Your parents might be your best friends someday.

Not in a lame way. Not when you’re fifteen. But when you get older, you’re going to realize that you’re a lot like your parents (if you’re blessed to have solid parents that you get along well enough with) and that these parents of yours are worth listening to and spending time with.

Don’t brush them off because they’re your parents. Listen. Take their advice and put it into practice. Spend time with them. You’ll be better for it.

4. You could be your best friend someday.

So treat yourself right. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Enjoy time alone because if you can’t hang out with you – why expect anyone else to?

5. God is real.

God is real, God is alive, God is everywhere. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present. God is amazing, enormous and scary. God is tender, understanding and kind.

God loves you more in the five minutes it takes you to read this than anyone else will in your entire lifetime.

So look into Him. Learn about Him. Love Him back.

It’s the best thing I’ve done in the past 23 years.

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Love, Validation, Acceptance, Success

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Lets discuss our needs and how they’re met, a blog inspired by my church small group last night.

What are our basic needs? What do we need to have, or we’ll die? Easy. Food, water, shelter, clothing. I assume anyone with a wordpress blog is not having trouble meeting those basic needs, whether on a small or extravagant sale. Things get tight sometimes, interesting things pass for food on a tight budget, but we all have these basic needs.

What else do we need? What else do we, as citizens of this earth and humans, feel like we need? A short list:

1. Love

2. Validation

3. Acceptance

4. Success

I would say those are four big needs that we, especially adults, feel we need. And how do we go about getting those? My small group discussed it last night.

First of all, it’s perfectly normal, fine and acceptable to have these needs. We were given them by God when He made us humans, and He had a purpose for giving us these specific needs – I’ll get to that soon.

How do we find love? Most would say first, it’s from your parents. A lot of us find our first love from our parents. I know I did. Their love nurtured me and cared for me when I was little, and in many ways shaped me into the woman I am today. However, some aren’t so lucky. A friend last night told the story of a young woman who had never had parents who loved her, who had been forced home to home, and as she got older began looking for love in relationships with men – lots of men.

Did it meet her needs? Yes. For a time, her needs were met. Was she fulfilled and happy? Was she really finding that paternal love she was looking for? No.

How do we find validation? We want to be affirmed. We want someone to tell us we’re good at what we do, we’re worth while, we’re something. I personally go after this a lot from my friends. I never feel more validated than when someone is laughing at me because I want them to be. I love it when people tell me I’m funny, when they say I crack them up, when they tell other people how hilarious I am. It’s one of the best feelings I’ve ever known to make someone laugh until there are tears in their eyes. I feel important, like I’m fulfilling a purpose.

Other people seek this at their jobs from their boss, or from their significant other, friends, peers, etc. Is it okay to seek validation from these people?

In part.

How do we find acceptance? Nowadays, more than ever, it’s by following trends – or being ahead of them. (Following them ironically, maybe). I feel accepted when my friends compliment my outfit, or my glasses, or say my hair looks perfectly and purposefully disheveled. We find acceptance by going with the flow, by being one of a many of this world.

The small group I go to includes a lot of high schoolers. How did I find acceptance in high school? I wasn’t part of the cool crowd, but did a part of me want to be?

Yes. Behind every hipster going against the mainstream, there’s probably a kid who wanted to be hip in high school. (Get it?) I was no exception. Looking back, I’m glad I was who I was, and I’m glad I found my acceptance in a smaller but (if I do say so) better group of friends.

How do we find success? This, I think, depends on your age. If you’re in high school or college, it’s probably strongly based on grads and how many extra curricular activities you participate in.

Maybe it’s based on how attractive and smart your significant other is, or how nice your clothes are, how many friends you have or what kind of car you drive.

For adults, it’s often or always about the job. I can’t tell you how highly I’ve been praised for finding a good, full-time job right out of college. And it makes me feel good to get that praise – and I worked hard. It was a success, getting my job. Excelling at it and moving up the ladder will be even more success.

Is it enough? 

The short answer is… no. You will never have enough friends, enough love from earthly men or women, the best clothes, be the best at your job, have the most of everything. Someone is always better, someone always has more, you will never be the best – never.

Here is what I propose:

Do not search for love, acceptance, validation and success in earthly things. You will never be completely satisfied, wholly fulfilled. That is a guarantee that I will stamp and deliver to you, personally.

You know where I’m going to say you can find it. You can find all of these things and EVERY OTHER NEED YOU CAN THINK OF in Jesus Christ.

Why?

He created you – He created you because He wanted you, love and accepted you before you were YOU. Why does this matter? He’s perfect, almighty, all-knowing, wonderful. The most perfect being in existence loves you in the second you read this more than anyone else will love you in your lifetime – seek Him, run after Him, and find the fulfillment of love and acceptance.

My validation comes from the cross. This perfect being who loves me an unfathomable amount suffered torture and death on the cross FOR ME, with my name in His heart and on His mind, because He would rather bear the brunt of suffering than see me do it. I AM VALIDATED. I am someone. I am something.

What is my success? Pleasing my God. How do I do it? It’s easy, and don’t let anyone tell you different. I please Him by acknowledging Him in my daily life, in my actions. By taking a moment to think – how can I be more Christlike? before I act and speak. I please Him by spending quiet time with him, not just praying and reading His word, but listening to what H’e saying in return. I please Him the most by telling other people about Him and His great love and good news.

This is such a small overview of God’s amazing love and everything He gives to you when you surrender to Him. It would take me  years to write down all He has done for me. As John says in the gospel:

And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself would not contain the books that should be written. -John 21:25

If you are not finding fulfillment, happiness, validation, success, or anything else you feel like you are needing and lacking – turn to God. If you aren’t sure how to do that, let me help. I’m always wary of putting personal information on the internet, but if one person reads this and has more questions about God that they don’t know where to go to for answers and I can help, I feel it’s my duty to do so.

E-mail me. It’s personal, between us. anna.fedoris@gmail.com Let me help, and be sure I will never judge you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

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Self-Confidence (Issues)

Posted on by aelizabethfed

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Now you may not be able to tell it from the fact that in the above photo, I willingly saddled up on a large frog at the zoo and made that stupid face and gave that dumb thumbs up and then used this as my Facebook profile picture for months, but I suffer from a crippling lack of self-confidence.

I mean crippling, and I mean inwardly. You would probably never know it upon meeting with me. I’m not the girl who sits around complaining about how she looks. I’m the girl that, when all the other girls are nit-picking themselves, jokingly says something like, “Well I’m flawless and gorgeous all the time, no matter what, so I don’t really have anything to add” to ease the tension – but that’s only because I don’t want to discuss my flaws and my negative ideas of myself.

The list is too long, too overwhelming, and I don’t want to bog other people down or bore them with these issues. I never talk about it. I would be willing to bet most people think I find myself attractive. And they wouldn’t be all that wrong. I do think I’m a lovely young woman.

In fact, what prompted this blog was a long look I took at myself in the mirror just a little while ago – and I tried to list all the things I like about myself; sort of gave myself a peptalk.

“Anna, you are a lovely young woman. Your hair is soft and shiny and you’ve done so good, letting it grow to be so long when you usually cut it! You have big eyes that are a nice shade of blue or gray or whatever they are. People compliment your eyes and hair more than anything else! Hey, look at that neck, nice and sturdy, holding your noggin’ up! Go, head! Oh, and those hands — you haven’t bitten or cut your nails in weeks and they look nice! Your skin is pretty, and your freckles add character.”

But if that inner monologue was the opposite, completely negative, I could go on for ten pages and I could make myself cry – no, sob. And it all has to do with my weight.

I have never been a very thin girl. When I was younger I was thiner, but I’ve always been a little bigger. On top of that, I have a very sizeable chest. I might be, currently, at my lifetime biggest. (See above photo, which was taken not long ago).

I do try to be healthy. I try to eat right and get some exercise every day, and that’s a change I’ve made in the past few years, and it’s something I’m slowly integrating into my life. But what I haven’t been adding to my daily routine is self-confidence and self-love. I think far too much about my weight and my appearance and I put too much weight (pun intended) on my outer-worth instead of my inner.

So that’s something I really need to change, and there are a few ways I’m going to do this.

1. Be healthy – to FEEL healthy. I have a condition call pseudotumor cerebri (google it), and basically there is extra fluid in my brain that makes my optic nerves swell. The first way to treat it is loose weight, which I’ve been trying. I want to get healthy for this reason more than anything else. And that really comes down to small choices throughout the day. Talking a walk after work instead of sitting down because I’m tired, keeping better snacks in my office, no cream cheese on my bagel in the morning… Small things that will build up to change my entire health-outlook, and I will FEEL better, no matter how I LOOK.

2. STOP TELLING MYSELF I AM SINGLE BECAUSE I AM UNATTRACTIVE. First of all, I’m not unattractive. I’m a nice-looking young lady. Someday someone is going to notice that but further more, they’re going to look at my super-hot brain and fall in love with that. And that brain is going to last a lot longer than this body.

3. Find my identity and worth in Christ, and not in my appearance. I won’t say anything cheesy like “I am made in His image”, because that’s an excuse people use to never exercise and eat whatever they want. God gave us these bodies to go and do His work, and we need to treat them like the gift they are. What I will say is that when I worry so much about what I look like, I’m mostly worrying about what other people think of me. That simply doesn’t matter, and that is the way of this world. God does not look at my outward appearance, but my heart. If I spent as much time worrying about my heart as I do about my flabby stomach or thighs, I would be doing SO MUCH MORE awesome work for God while I’m here on earth. That’s a change worth making.

It’s not as simple as I’m making it seem and I know that. I think my last step, number four, is to tell someone my concerns. I need to tell my best friend that most days, I believe I’m single because of how I look, if for nothing else but to have her tell me that isn’t the truth at all (not because I am a foxy mama, but because the right guy will not care) – sometimes, it’s easier to believe other people than it is to believe yourself.

I know self-confidence is a long journey. Any woman with an awesome opinion about herself will tell you that it takes forever and it isn’t a constant thing, but I do believe that firmly placing myself in Christ’s identity and looking at myself through His eyes and through His plan for me is the best and surest place to start.

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I’m many things, single is just one of them.

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I’m from Iowa and around here, we young Christians get married, and we do it fast. My best friend got married three years ago when she was nineteen. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice already, before the age of twenty one.

I can’t tell you how many good-looking Christian guys I’ve scoped from far away to find out nope, some lucky lady already snagged him. There are weddings every weekend. Every day, facebook lets me know who is engaged, who is newly married, and who has their first kid.

So yeah, I know that I’m single. The world constantly tells me. My friends are constantly trying to set me up (and hey, I’m not opposed to it, but nine times out of ten, it just isn’t a good prospect), and the world is constantly telling me it’s okay to be single all while looking at me and wondering why I don’t have a man.

Well, I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not ready, maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he’s a doctor helping out underprivileged families in Africa and we won’t meet until he comes back state side. I just don’t know (though I’m pretty sure it’s that last one, to be honest).

But I’m not worried about it. It would be nice to find a husband, but is that my only goal in life?

NO.

Should it be anyone’s only goal in life?

NOPE.

My point here is, don’t treat Christian men and women of any age (especially a tender, young age like 22) like they must be waiting around for ‘the one’. Maybe the one isn’t out there. Maybe God is the only one you’re going to get (He’s the best one, after all). Maybe your life will be entirely fulfilling and wonderful and you’ll never get married. Maybe you’ll adopt five kids on your own and be the most SPECTACULAR parent that’s ever lived and you’ll dedicate those children to Jesus right out the gate and wonder how you could have ever considered waiting for a spouse to raise children with when you’re so capable of loving and caring for them on your own.

Maybe you’ll never have kids or a spouse at all. Paul seemed pretty stoked about it, didn’t he? I can tell you that I look up to Paul more than almost anyone else (aside from Jesus Himself) and Paul even spoke against marriage.

That isn’t the message we’re getting today. Constantly I’m asked about my relationship status, more than anything else. People ask me if I’m dating anyone more than they ask about my job, my family, my friends, my spiritual life… it could so easily lead anyone to believe, therefore, that finding that special someone is the most important thing you can do with your life.

It is not!

God made men and women for each other but above that, He made us to serve and love Him–and that’s what I’m going to do, whether it’s my husband at my side or all my wonderful friends and family.

So please, next time you speak with a single young person, ask them how their day is going, how their education or job is treating them, how their family is, what they’re reading or what TV show they’re hooked on, how their spiritual life is progressing–if they want to talk about their love life (and often, I do!), they’ll bring it up to you. If they want to be set up so badly, they’ll ask if you know anyone.

They’ve got a lot going on and most of it has nothing to do with finding a spouse. ASK THEM ABOUT IT. Ask us about it!

And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell them that singleness is a gift from God. We know, trust me… we know.

How do I do Friendships?

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I was thinking about writing a post like this one all day yesterday. It’s prompted by the fact that currently, I’ve traveled a few hours north to visits the city where I attended college. I have so many great friends from those four years still up here and ever since I left in July (though many of my friends had left in May — I had to take a couple summer classes to finish my degree), I’ve been wanting to get back up here and visit these amazing people.

How do I do friendships? Seriously. I take them seriously; extremely seriously. A friend isn’t something to use and throw away as you please, and that’s a pattern I see with many people my age. So many friendships today are based on convenience; what can they do for me, instead of what can I do for them? It makes me sad.

I’m currently sitting in Panara by myself because the friend I stayed with last night is working this morning, and I kind of enjoy a little me-time in a weekend full of friend-time. I see a big group of girls sitting across the restaurant and as always, I’m wondering about their friendships. This is something I do when I see women together. Are they all friends? Do some of them have secret problems with each other? Did someone steal someone else’s boyfriend or worse, sweater? Are any of them best friends? I think about friendships a lot; it’s something really important to me.

I consider myself lucky to have such wonderful friends. Last night, I stayed with my friend Monica, who is one of the most wonderful girls you’ll ever meet. We had a class together my junior year of college and bonded over mutual annoyance directed towards a couple of girls who sat in front of us. Maybe not the best way to start a friendship, but I can tell you right now that she’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had and I don’t expect this friendship to ever go anywhere.

The best thing about Monica is that she doesn’t have facebook, instagram, twitter, snapchat… You have to get ahold of her, personally, and that’s not something you see often anymore. Though I might call her a hipster for it (as I sit in Panera with a chai tea latte, wearing thick-rimmed glasses and typing a blog… irony?) and encourage her daily to get snapchat so I can send her grotesque pictures of myself whenever the mood strikes, I love that she doesn’t have any of that stuff. We can’t post facebook statuses or tweet about how much we love and miss each other — we just tell each other, and you don’t see that often anymore. It means more coming from her sometimes, though maybe I can’t exactly explain why.

I know Monica will be there for me, no matter what–she’s in this friendship for the same reason I am: I love you, how can I be there for you when you need it?

I have many friends like this, many worth mentioning. (Cortney – I know you might be reading this, so I want you to know you’re a friend like this, someone I can count on and someone I love very much! And I’m very angry with you for getting me hooked on Breaking Bad. Very angry!) But one is worth mentioning over all the others.

I am blessed by God with a best friend. The title ‘best friend’ is tossed around a lot today. Girls use it as a nickname for their friends, or every friend is their best friend, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But my best friend and I, we take that title seriously. She is my best friend, my #1 muchacho, and no one else will ever hold that title. In fact, it ruffles my feathers a little when other people call her their best friend, even though that’s stupid and selfish–and Kate and I have a spoken agreement that we don’t call other people our best friends… because we’re silly and selfish. She’s the only person I enjoy talking on the phone to on a regular basis, the only person who knows absolutely everything about me, and one of the few people outside of my family who I am sure I will have a relationship with forever.

Why? Because we’re not in it to benefit ourselves. I hang out with Kate because I love being around her and she makes me happy, but she also knows that I am always there for her, 24/7, no matter what. And I think part of the reason we’re so close is that she’s the only close friend I have who has a personal relationship with Christ. I think you need that to have a life-long best friendship with someone. I couldn’t be as close with her if I couldn’t share my faith with her, or go with her for faith advice and counseling.

Kate led me to Jesus when we were younger (though not much), and forever I am grateful to her for that, and forever I feel a little in her debt, which I think is okay. I like repaying her with little kindnesses (like getting her brand new smart phone out of the Target dressing room when she’s forgotten it, but then again I tattled on her to her husband about that later, so maybe that one doesn’t count?)

The point of telling you about some of my best friendships (and these are just some of them, like I said, God has blessed me with an abundance of wonderful women and men in my life who are always there for me and who I am able to be there for), is for a few reasons.

Friendships are important to me. Life isn’t hardly worth living without wonderful friends to walk on this earth with, is it? I don’t know where I would be some days without a phone call from Kate, a colorful text from Monica, or a snapchat from Cortney.

I take my friendships seriously. These people are important to me, and I will never use them for my own advantage and throw them away. I should hope I’ll never do that with any person. Friendships are such an amazing opportunity to shine the light of Christ on someone in your life. What better way to love someone than to be their friend for their benefit, and not yours?

To me, that is Christ.

So I hope the few of you who read this will examine how you live out your friendships and decide if you’re in it for yourself, or for your friends. Always be in it for others, and here’s a big secret about doing things not for yourself: it usually still benefits you in some way.

How do I live?

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I suppose you could say that the idea to start this blog was inspired ten minutes ago, on my lunch break at work (which I am still on, of course), while I watched a Louis Cole video.

Since he updates every day (if you’ve never heard of the man, search ‘Fun for Louis’ on youtube right now to follow his adventures), he often finds his way into some part of my day-to-day goings on. I might be obsessed with him, but that’s really a topic for another blog post.

Louis travels all around the world doing things that 99% of us only dream of. Holding sweet Ugandan babies, visiting Romanian gypsies, jumping off of cliffs… (I can’t verify that last one but I can imagine). It gives me the most painful wanderlust to watch what he does.

But in his video today (entitled ‘Caught Dancing in Starbucks), he took a little time to talk to the audience and I think, me in particular. He said that while he loves doing what he does, he feels that sometimes he just does what’s most fun and exciting in the moment, and he worries that he leaves friendships behind a little at times, and worries he doesn’t set a good example of living life for others instead of yourself.

So I began thinking. Is my wanderlust selfish? Is my desire to get out and go and leave everything behind completely and utterly self-centered?

Well, yes. Why do I want to do that? Well, because it looks cool when Louis does it, because people would envy me, because my life would be exciting. None of those things are good reasons to do anything, ever.

So I have to look at my life now.

I have a wonderful job. Not only is it not mind-numbing work, but the people I work with are wonderful. I think it’s the people in your job, more than anything, that can make it worth while to get up in the morning — I have found those people at this place.

Maybe I live in my parents’ basement (FOR NOW, and now only), but my parents are fantastic. They’re great people. I don’t have to pay rent or feed myself or do my laundry (though I still do, because I like to consider myself an adult).

But still, these things are selfish. They benefit me and me only (though I like to think I bring light into the office and my parents’ lives, but who doesn’t). What am I doing for other people?

Well, I’m working hard to make this a longer list. My aunt recently had surgery and found out she has cancer. Three times a week or so I make the short 15 minute trip to her house, where she lives with her mother, my grandmother, to do whatever they need. Run errands, do laundry, clean house–they name it, I do it, and I’m happy to do it. I’m glad every day that I moved back home before all this happened, so I could be there for them.

I’m joining the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program, because I enjoy mentoring and feel like it’s something I’m good at, and it’s a great opportunity to show the love of Christ to someone I would never otherwise meet.

And on a day to day basis, I am trying to improve my attitude and my actions (and especially my words) so that without telling anyone about my faith, they see something like the love of Christ flowing out of me, even if they don’t really know it’s His love instead of mine.

This list will expand if I’m lucky. Like Louis Cole reminded me today, I need to live for here and now, and I need to live for others–not for myself.

Also, Louis, if you’re reading this… you get the ring, we’ll do the thing. Let’s get married.

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