Christian

Why Comparing Yourself to Others is Basically a Disaster, or, Why You Should Be Yourself

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I find that most of my sadness in life comes when I decide that I must compare myself to others. To anyone, really. To my friends and my family, to my role models, to famous musicians and actresses, to people I’ve never met or people I spend tons of time with.

This is an inadequate way of measuring yourself, and the quickest way to be completely dissatisfied with your life, no matter who you are or what you’re doing. Here’s three easy reasons why.

1) Someone is always doing better than you.

Someone always has more money. Someone is always smarter, more clever, funnier. Someone is always a better writer or poet. Someone else always discovered that awesome new band first. Someone is always on top. It is never going to be you.

Does that mean you should give up – stop working so hard, stop learning, stop trying to make your friends laugh, stop discovering new music you like or writing because it makes you happy?

No. And everyone realizes it would be dumb to stop doing things because someone else is better at it – so isn’t it dumb to compare yourself to others and judge yourself that way? If you’re good at what you’re doing (or even if you aren’t, and you just enjoy doing it anyway) then keep doing it for you, and for no one else.

2) They are not you.

They were not raised with the same opportunities and goals as you. You did not live their life and they did not live yours. You will never look like them, act like them, sound like them.

So instead of trying to be like someone else, try to be the best you that you can possibly be. Do it for you. Set goals that make you happy and work to reach them. Enjoy being with yourself, and being who you are.

You are never going to be them. You can be like them… but then there’s just two of them, and one who isn’t as good as the other. So don’t be a second-best someone else, be a best you. It’s lame to be anything else.

3) You were not made to be like anyone else, and it is not right to serve earthly people by trying to conform to their standards.

You are called to a higher standard. You were placed where you are by God, for His purpose and not your own. If someone else’s path makes you feel bad, if it seems more exciting, daring or fun, remember that God has put you on this path that you are currently on to serve His kingdom – nothing is better than that.

If you are dissatisfied with your life, there are two things you can do to fix that:

1 – Find your satisfaction in God, and not in things of this world. The creator of the universe, the One who placed all the stars in the sky and who crafted you by hand, loves you, cares for you, understands you. If that doesn’t brighten your day and give you a fresh perspective, think on it longer. Open the Bible. Read of Jesus’ coming to this earth. Read of His death on the cross with the knowledge that He did it purely out of love for you, out of a desire to spend eternity with you. The most perfect being on earth wants to be with you forever. Think on that, I beg you.

2 – Make changes. Unsatisfied with your health? Take small steps to change it. Want to travel and see wonderful things? Begin tucking away money now to meet your goal.  A dissatisfaction with life comes because we want to be happy now, we want our goals met tomorrow, and we don’t want to work towards them. Set goals. Work hard. Know that it may take some time, but you can serve God every step of the way.

The only person who can change your life is you. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is Christ. If you ask me, that’s how you achieve happiness and satisfaction with your life. Stop looking at other people and wondering why you’re not like them.

It’s because you’re NOT them, and you never will be, and that’s wonderful.

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Spirit, Lead me.

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Father, I spend so much of my time reading your Word and learning about You in church, trying to grow closer to you, but how often do I tell You how absolutely wonderful You are?

Telling You I love You simply isn’t enough. Calling you Brilliant Maker, Beautiful Creator, Faithful Father – that isn’t ENOUGH. How do I relay my complete and total devotion to You? How do I prove my love in words, because words are what I know best?

Words aren’t enough, but they’re what I have. I want to turn my life over to You. I want to follow you to the ends of the earth and I want to invite You in here, where I am. I desire such a nearness with You, like I cannot dream to achieve with anyone else. I’m desperately searching for a powerful, healing, pardoning love like only You can provide me.

That’s enough about me. Father, I am merely a human, and not blessed with the capacity to aptly describe You as You are. The smartest woman on earth could not really capture it in words. You are a feeling that starts in my heart, a pounding, warm feeling that spreads to my fingertips and toes and whispers, “I am Yours, You are mine,” and I feel a complete secureness in our relationship that I will never feel with anyone else.

Father, you are so wonderful and merciful. Seeing your sinful creation, You wrapped yourself in skin and came to suffer in a way that I will never know, to die shamelessly upon a cross, and to rise again from death in all your beauty and glory. Father, all the power is Yours. All the knowledge is Yours. Everything that is – it is Yours. Nothing belongs to me, but You. You are mine, Father, and I give myself entirely to You as Your faithful servant and Your beloved child.

You will never turn from me. You will never break a promise. You will never let me down. No matter what the circumstances or the situation, You will never cease to love me with a love that is far beyond the capabilities of any earthly being.

Father, You have given your very LIFE for me and I will give mine back to You – take it, Father. Remove my fear and my worries, my concerns that hold me back. Put me in spots where I must overcome what terrifies me most, so that I might bring glory to Your kingdom and shout Your name and proclaim the good news to those who have not even heard Your name.

“Jesus Christ,” I will shout to them, “has come to earth for you. The creator of the universe has suffered as you suffered, and knows all of your troubles. The controller of the universe cares for you and loves you with an unimaginable, unfathomable love, and you are redeemed in Him!” and You will be given the glory for it, my Father.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.

Let me walk upon the waters,

wherever You would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,

and my faith would be made stronger

in the presence of my Savior.

Thank You, Father, for the millions of things we do not think to thank You for. Thank you for my sight and for my feelings, thank You for warmth on cold nights and love when I am feeling lonely. Thank you for these feet, that You may use them and send me out. Thank You for the display of Your power and might. You are so wonderful, Father, and I am so lacking without You.

Above all, thank You for loving me enough to die for me, enough to follow me through all the trials and successes of my life, and enough to never let me down or step away.

I love you, Father. You are my everything.

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Five Important Things I’ve Learned in my 23 Years

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Yesterday, I turned 23. I figure in that time, I might have learned a handful of lessons, and these handful of lessons might be worth sharing.

1. Lying never works out.

Simply put, it’s always easier to tell the truth. Sometimes what happens to you after you tell the truth sucks, but I’ve found that suffering the consequences right away and working to move past it is always better than suffering the guilt of lying (even if you never tell the truth and you’re never found out – you’ll always feel bad and you’ll always wished you’d ponied up way earlier).

So just tell the truth. You’ll feel better, and nothing is so bad that you can’t fix it or recover.

2. Music is important.

Not to everyone, but to me. It’s important to me. I wouldn’t want to go a whole day without it. I’ve learned not to deny myself simple pleasures such as listening to music at my desk – not when songs that I enjoy so much come on and I suddenly have an overwhelming feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay, and right now I’m happy’ simply because of a song (see ‘First of the Gang’ to Die by Morrissey first thing every morning).

Don’t deny yourself simple enjoyments such as that. Just don’t.

3. Your parents might be your best friends someday.

Not in a lame way. Not when you’re fifteen. But when you get older, you’re going to realize that you’re a lot like your parents (if you’re blessed to have solid parents that you get along well enough with) and that these parents of yours are worth listening to and spending time with.

Don’t brush them off because they’re your parents. Listen. Take their advice and put it into practice. Spend time with them. You’ll be better for it.

4. You could be your best friend someday.

So treat yourself right. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Enjoy time alone because if you can’t hang out with you – why expect anyone else to?

5. God is real.

God is real, God is alive, God is everywhere. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present. God is amazing, enormous and scary. God is tender, understanding and kind.

God loves you more in the five minutes it takes you to read this than anyone else will in your entire lifetime.

So look into Him. Learn about Him. Love Him back.

It’s the best thing I’ve done in the past 23 years.

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Love, Validation, Acceptance, Success

Posted on by aelizabethfed

Lets discuss our needs and how they’re met, a blog inspired by my church small group last night.

What are our basic needs? What do we need to have, or we’ll die? Easy. Food, water, shelter, clothing. I assume anyone with a wordpress blog is not having trouble meeting those basic needs, whether on a small or extravagant sale. Things get tight sometimes, interesting things pass for food on a tight budget, but we all have these basic needs.

What else do we need? What else do we, as citizens of this earth and humans, feel like we need? A short list:

1. Love

2. Validation

3. Acceptance

4. Success

I would say those are four big needs that we, especially adults, feel we need. And how do we go about getting those? My small group discussed it last night.

First of all, it’s perfectly normal, fine and acceptable to have these needs. We were given them by God when He made us humans, and He had a purpose for giving us these specific needs – I’ll get to that soon.

How do we find love? Most would say first, it’s from your parents. A lot of us find our first love from our parents. I know I did. Their love nurtured me and cared for me when I was little, and in many ways shaped me into the woman I am today. However, some aren’t so lucky. A friend last night told the story of a young woman who had never had parents who loved her, who had been forced home to home, and as she got older began looking for love in relationships with men – lots of men.

Did it meet her needs? Yes. For a time, her needs were met. Was she fulfilled and happy? Was she really finding that paternal love she was looking for? No.

How do we find validation? We want to be affirmed. We want someone to tell us we’re good at what we do, we’re worth while, we’re something. I personally go after this a lot from my friends. I never feel more validated than when someone is laughing at me because I want them to be. I love it when people tell me I’m funny, when they say I crack them up, when they tell other people how hilarious I am. It’s one of the best feelings I’ve ever known to make someone laugh until there are tears in their eyes. I feel important, like I’m fulfilling a purpose.

Other people seek this at their jobs from their boss, or from their significant other, friends, peers, etc. Is it okay to seek validation from these people?

In part.

How do we find acceptance? Nowadays, more than ever, it’s by following trends – or being ahead of them. (Following them ironically, maybe). I feel accepted when my friends compliment my outfit, or my glasses, or say my hair looks perfectly and purposefully disheveled. We find acceptance by going with the flow, by being one of a many of this world.

The small group I go to includes a lot of high schoolers. How did I find acceptance in high school? I wasn’t part of the cool crowd, but did a part of me want to be?

Yes. Behind every hipster going against the mainstream, there’s probably a kid who wanted to be hip in high school. (Get it?) I was no exception. Looking back, I’m glad I was who I was, and I’m glad I found my acceptance in a smaller but (if I do say so) better group of friends.

How do we find success? This, I think, depends on your age. If you’re in high school or college, it’s probably strongly based on grads and how many extra curricular activities you participate in.

Maybe it’s based on how attractive and smart your significant other is, or how nice your clothes are, how many friends you have or what kind of car you drive.

For adults, it’s often or always about the job. I can’t tell you how highly I’ve been praised for finding a good, full-time job right out of college. And it makes me feel good to get that praise – and I worked hard. It was a success, getting my job. Excelling at it and moving up the ladder will be even more success.

Is it enough? 

The short answer is… no. You will never have enough friends, enough love from earthly men or women, the best clothes, be the best at your job, have the most of everything. Someone is always better, someone always has more, you will never be the best – never.

Here is what I propose:

Do not search for love, acceptance, validation and success in earthly things. You will never be completely satisfied, wholly fulfilled. That is a guarantee that I will stamp and deliver to you, personally.

You know where I’m going to say you can find it. You can find all of these things and EVERY OTHER NEED YOU CAN THINK OF in Jesus Christ.

Why?

He created you – He created you because He wanted you, love and accepted you before you were YOU. Why does this matter? He’s perfect, almighty, all-knowing, wonderful. The most perfect being in existence loves you in the second you read this more than anyone else will love you in your lifetime – seek Him, run after Him, and find the fulfillment of love and acceptance.

My validation comes from the cross. This perfect being who loves me an unfathomable amount suffered torture and death on the cross FOR ME, with my name in His heart and on His mind, because He would rather bear the brunt of suffering than see me do it. I AM VALIDATED. I am someone. I am something.

What is my success? Pleasing my God. How do I do it? It’s easy, and don’t let anyone tell you different. I please Him by acknowledging Him in my daily life, in my actions. By taking a moment to think – how can I be more Christlike? before I act and speak. I please Him by spending quiet time with him, not just praying and reading His word, but listening to what H’e saying in return. I please Him the most by telling other people about Him and His great love and good news.

This is such a small overview of God’s amazing love and everything He gives to you when you surrender to Him. It would take me  years to write down all He has done for me. As John says in the gospel:

And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself would not contain the books that should be written. -John 21:25

If you are not finding fulfillment, happiness, validation, success, or anything else you feel like you are needing and lacking – turn to God. If you aren’t sure how to do that, let me help. I’m always wary of putting personal information on the internet, but if one person reads this and has more questions about God that they don’t know where to go to for answers and I can help, I feel it’s my duty to do so.

E-mail me. It’s personal, between us. anna.fedoris@gmail.com Let me help, and be sure I will never judge you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

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I’m many things, single is just one of them.

Posted on by aelizabethfed

I’m from Iowa and around here, we young Christians get married, and we do it fast. My best friend got married three years ago when she was nineteen. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice already, before the age of twenty one.

I can’t tell you how many good-looking Christian guys I’ve scoped from far away to find out nope, some lucky lady already snagged him. There are weddings every weekend. Every day, facebook lets me know who is engaged, who is newly married, and who has their first kid.

So yeah, I know that I’m single. The world constantly tells me. My friends are constantly trying to set me up (and hey, I’m not opposed to it, but nine times out of ten, it just isn’t a good prospect), and the world is constantly telling me it’s okay to be single all while looking at me and wondering why I don’t have a man.

Well, I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not ready, maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he’s a doctor helping out underprivileged families in Africa and we won’t meet until he comes back state side. I just don’t know (though I’m pretty sure it’s that last one, to be honest).

But I’m not worried about it. It would be nice to find a husband, but is that my only goal in life?

NO.

Should it be anyone’s only goal in life?

NOPE.

My point here is, don’t treat Christian men and women of any age (especially a tender, young age like 22) like they must be waiting around for ‘the one’. Maybe the one isn’t out there. Maybe God is the only one you’re going to get (He’s the best one, after all). Maybe your life will be entirely fulfilling and wonderful and you’ll never get married. Maybe you’ll adopt five kids on your own and be the most SPECTACULAR parent that’s ever lived and you’ll dedicate those children to Jesus right out the gate and wonder how you could have ever considered waiting for a spouse to raise children with when you’re so capable of loving and caring for them on your own.

Maybe you’ll never have kids or a spouse at all. Paul seemed pretty stoked about it, didn’t he? I can tell you that I look up to Paul more than almost anyone else (aside from Jesus Himself) and Paul even spoke against marriage.

That isn’t the message we’re getting today. Constantly I’m asked about my relationship status, more than anything else. People ask me if I’m dating anyone more than they ask about my job, my family, my friends, my spiritual life… it could so easily lead anyone to believe, therefore, that finding that special someone is the most important thing you can do with your life.

It is not!

God made men and women for each other but above that, He made us to serve and love Him–and that’s what I’m going to do, whether it’s my husband at my side or all my wonderful friends and family.

So please, next time you speak with a single young person, ask them how their day is going, how their education or job is treating them, how their family is, what they’re reading or what TV show they’re hooked on, how their spiritual life is progressing–if they want to talk about their love life (and often, I do!), they’ll bring it up to you. If they want to be set up so badly, they’ll ask if you know anyone.

They’ve got a lot going on and most of it has nothing to do with finding a spouse. ASK THEM ABOUT IT. Ask us about it!

And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell them that singleness is a gift from God. We know, trust me… we know.